Lesbian BDSM, part 2: Contemporary Lesbian Culture

Guest post by Maggie H.

This post is the second part of a series of posts based on some of the RadFem Reboot 2012 presentation talk that I gave in Oregon recently on the patriarchal takeover of women’s sexuality.

Warning: This post contains some graphic depictions of pornified lesbian culture. I believe it is important to know what some lesbians are watching, making, writing & reading ‘for fun’ these days. The examples taken from lesbian media are not ‘isolated cases.’ Many lesbians I spoke to actually say that they ‘love’ websites like Autostraddle or magazines such as Diva UK. These things are part of mainstream lesbian culture today.

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As pointed out at the end of the first part (on lesbian BDSM fanfiction, a cultural phenomenon within lesbian culture), the fandoms of Xena, Buffy, Stargate SG-1, Rizzoli & Isles (or whatever show lesbians want to read BDSM fan fiction from) are not the only lesbian cultures that have been affected by patriarchy. No, unfortunately, there are many more aspects of contemporary lesbian culture that have been poisoned by patriarchal ideology and male-centred sexuality too.

So let me take you through contemporary lesbian culture now.

There was an HBO-produced lesbian movie released a few years back called ‘If These Walls Could Talk 2.’ I did not like that movie much, and I am sure the radical lesbian feminists who saw it mustn’t have liked it either. Here is an image from the second story segment from the film:

Linda (Michelle Williams, left) and Amy (Chloë Sevigny, right), in the HBO production ‘If These Walls Could Talk 2’.

In that movie, there is a ridiculous caricature of radical lesbian feminists as well as an inadequate portrayal of the woman-loving and woman-identified lesbian feminism of the 1970’s. In the second story segment from the film, Linda (a young lesbian) shares a house with her ‘lesbian feminist’ friends. They soon go together to a local lesbian bar, where Linda meets Amy –a young butch she likes. As Amy is typically dressed ‘like a man’ (with a suit and tie), the bunch of ‘lesbian feminists’ hanging out with Linda quickly get vilified through the narrative as “those-boring-whining- feminists-who-just-cannot-let-lesbians-have-fun” for being critical of Amy’s cross-dressing. Linda’s friends oppose gendered roles and patriarchal stereotypes, yes, but they get represented as ‘stupid feminists’ for doing so. Plus, these so-called ‘lesbian feminists’ get portrayed as laughing at Amy because she looks ‘butch’ –something that no lesbian feminist that I know of would ever do.

Anyway, lesbian feminism was certainly not winning in that movie, because Linda was portrayed as this lesbian who ‘desires’ butch/femme power play with Amy more than anything –and the dominance/submission power play between these two lesbians gets thoroughly eroticised during the ‘love’ scene of this American HBO movie. I hated that film, but lesbians apparently buy into this (as it was a huge movie success in many lesbian communities) –because women’s history (a.k.a. herstory) constantly gets erased and re-written by men, including by the male owners of big television network production companies like HBO. In this case, the lesbian-friendly feminist 1970’s got re-interpreted through inaccurate, male-centric eyes.

In the 2000’s, another American television network (Showtime) released ‘The L Word,’ and that show became also a huge success, within the lesbian community almost everywhere. So what exactly was ‘The L Word’ about? The preservation of patriarchy within lesbianism was what it really was about. I, myself, could not watch the ‘L word’ beyond the start of Season 3 –as it was becoming so boring and repetitive. I am trying to remember if I ever heard the words ‘making love’ within what I saw of the show. It’s a supposedly ‘lesbian’ show and all its dialogue could say was ‘fuck, fuck and fuck.’ Using the term ‘fuck’ to describe sexual activities between women should in fact be considered completely inadequate by lesbians who try to break away from patriarchy, as it is a dominant male term.

In the UK, we have ‘Lip Service,’ which is a TV series similar to ‘The L Word’ as another so-called ‘lesbian’ show. Shows such as ‘The L Word’ or ‘Lip Service’ are so far removed from women-identified and woman-loving lesbianism. These lesbian series are saturated with soft porn scenarios promoting male-centric sexuality within the lesbian world, e.g. lesbians being represented as ‘fucking’ (and not making love), men intruding upon lesbian sexuality, lesbians going to strip bars and objectifying women there, lesbians engaging in BDSM and phallocentric sexuality etc. Not to mention that the lesbian characters are very often white and conventionally pretty –the way men want to see them.

Dildo culture is of course being glorified in such shows, just like in many other parts of mainstream lesbian media. On mainstream lesbian sites such as Lesbian Life, lesbian visitors are being given ‘sex tips’ and ‘advice’ as well as instructions on how to buy and use a dildo (e.g. here  –warning: may trigger) –as if owning and using a ‘strap-on’ was such an important thing to do for lesbians. In a PIV-centric patriarchal society, lesbian sexuality tends to be mischaracterised as “incomplete”, as “needing” a phallic object to “complete it” –almost like an imaginary ‘male’ presence within lesbian relationships.

This sort of heteronormative vision of lesbian sexuality is unfair and oppressive to lesbians because it negates the true potential of our own sexuality for being its own separate thing about women loving women, and women exploring women’s bodies just the way they are.  But hardcore defenders of lesbian BDSM do not want to hear that. Instead, they tend to see us as ‘ignorant’ when we are lesbians who do not use dildos.

As explained by BevJo in her chapter on BDSM:

“When I protested at a Butch Conference that it was wrong to assume that we [lesbians] all used dildos, a sado-masochistic Hard Fem lectured me as if I had no awareness of what dildos were. When I refused to submit to her, she dismissed me by using ageism, telling me that I was probably too old to change. Is fourteen too old?  That’s the age when I first heard about dildos, in 1965, when I visited the girl I had been in love with since I was five and she was nine… I only vaguely knew what a prick was and was repulsed. I was also confused since I was sure I was a Lesbian, having been in love with other girls since my earliest memories, but if this was what it meant to be a Lesbian, then how could I be?  How many young and older Lesbians are made to feel more alone and isolated by the normalizing of dildos and other sado-masochism in our communities?” ~ Bev Jo.

Bev Jo also points out that the dildo symbolises the glorification of maleness. As shown within malestream media and het culture, lesbians using dildos has already become a popular joke and a heteropatriarchal stereotype about lesbians. Many heterosexuals believe that “all” lesbians use dildos nowadays. When lesbians use dildos within their own sexual encounters and support dildo culture, it provides reassurance for men and reifies heteronormative stereotypes about lesbians. It tells men that lesbians really “need” dicks to have sex after all.

To the postmodern lesbians who continuously attempt to dissociate the dildo from actual penises, I would like to say: you cannot separate the inevitable symbolism from the real thing. The strap-on dildo is a phallus. It looks exactly like a penis and gets used as such. I do not believe any amount of bullshit pomo reinterpretation will ever be able to undo the intrinsically phallic symbolism present at the sight of a dildo.

Bev Jo sees dildos as a part of the lesbian BDSM world, which I agree with. She makes it clear that the belief by some lesbians that dildos are ‘necessary’ is very destructive to our communities. If we are not attracted to pricks, there is no reason why we ‘should’ play with a fake one. Dildos are so obviously part of the whole BDSM paraphernalia, a capitalistic industry that makes tremendous amounts of money by selling to lesbians patriarchal fetish accessories we don’t really need.

Moreover, as pointed out previously on the Gender Trender blog, men who claim to be women are now using the ‘dildo’ excuse as an attempt to get lesbians to fuck them, i.e. they are saying to lesbians “If you like the dildo, then you should try to like my ‘female prick’” and other such pomo nonsense. This should clearly be a warning sign for lesbians that it is time to quit using dildos. When you are a lesbian who does not use dildos (or no longer uses them), how men are going to be able to come up with such ridiculous arguments then?

Men asking lesbians to fuck them because the women already use strap-ons is clearly an indication of how patriarchy invented the dildo in the first place. Men love it when lesbians use it. Men hate it when lesbians don’t use it. Shouldn’t this be enough to show you what clearly is the truly feminist and revolutionary way to go? As Bev Jo says: “There is nothing like being completely present with your lover, looking into each other’s eyes, as you make love… There is nothing you can do with a dildo that you can’t do far more intensely and passionately with your Lesbian hands and Lesbian body.” To understand this may be too much to ask of some members from our contemporary mainstream lesbian culture, however.

Male-centric sexuality and patriarchal ideologies unfortunately seem to have taken control of a large segment of contemporary lesbian culture. On popular online lesbian UK magazines such as ‘Lesbilicious,’ pro-pornography, pro-BDSM women and handmaidens of patriarchy like Tristan Taormino get interviewed and admired as well as asked about sex tips and relationship advice, promoting BDSM and gay-male-identified marriages.

In the UK, we also have a mainstream lesbian magazine called ‘Diva.’ I examined the content of Diva for my analysis of lesbian culture. Here are a few covers from Diva Magazine displays:

     

Diva Magazine, UK mainstream lesbian magazine –very pornified and very female-hating.

I’m pretty sure that lesbians in the US and lesbians in Australia (or any other Western country for that matter) must have a similar magazine to Diva available to them, but I don’t know the specific names. Within Diva’s August 2012 issue (the one on the left within the above pics), there was an article glorifying lesbian porn –claiming that the pornography ‘got sexier’ and it should be something you should watch with your girlfriend. The main two so-called ‘lesbian’ pictures featured in the article were one of a ‘butch’ lesbian and the other of a thoroughly objectified ‘femme’ woman holding a pink telephone handset while caressing her own mouth with her other hand. This latter woman had her genitals completely shaved, just like in typical mainstream straight male porn.

A so-called ‘erotic’ lesbian written fiction story (Ten Dozen Butterflies) found in the same (August 2012) issue of Diva was thoroughly pornographic. It included male-centric norms and language dominating lesbian sexuality (e.g. uses of the C word to describe female genitalia, saying ‘fuck’ all the time to describe lesbian activities, etc) Most prominently, Ten Dozen Butterflies sexually fetishized and romanticised the pain and the bloody cuts a woman can get from some feminine beauty practices. It portrayed the blood that can result from shaving or waxing as ‘exciting,’ in some sort of eerie BDSM way.

Paris Lees has a column in Diva Magazine. Male-to-trans people automatically get fully accepted as “women” in contemporary mainstream lesbian culture –which makes it easier for them to introduce invasive, woman-hating ideologies such as the ‘Cotton Ceiling’ for instance.

The mainstream lesbian website Autostraddle proudly proclaims, on its ‘About Us’ page, that it is run by “a dedicated team of indentured masochists,” and that Autostraddle is apparently “an intelligent, hilarious & provocative voice and a progressively feminist online community.” Hence here we have lesbian BDSM enforcers portraying themselves as ‘progressive’, ‘rebellious,’ ‘feminist’ and ‘cool’ without acknowledging that they are in fact handmaidens of the patriarchy.

Sheila Jeffreys had already denounced the masquerade a couple of decades ago:

“The theorists of lesbian sadomasochism have adopted the clothes of the outlaw in rage against feminism and all its works. The language of sexual outlawry may originate in gay male culture but S/M proponents such as Pat Califia and Gayle Rubin have adopted it.” ~ Sheila Jeffreys, in The Lesbian Heresy, p. 109.

On the Autostraddle website,  lesbian BDSM is constantly being represented as ‘innocuous’ and ‘harmless,’ and pornographic pictures of women being objectified are often displayed on the site (e.g. here –warning: may trigger). BDSM proponents and lesbian pornographers like Sinclair SexSmith (described by Autostraddle as a ‘Kinky queer butch top’) get interviewed for the site. What is unsurprising of course is that the language of queer/postmodern ideology and culture seems to have seeped in those lesbian BDSM proponents’ minds:

“My BDSM practices are definitely informed by my queer sensibilities — I am ever aware of the heteronormativity and cissexism in the BDSM worlds, and I think queers are doing amazing things to call attention to, work on, and transform what it means to explore gender, or explore power dynamics. I love sex, don’t get me wrong, but I crave a dynamic that complicates the pure body aspects of sex and brings in a psychological connection of power and play that BDSM provides. I think there’s still a ton of room for more queer theory to leap into the BDSM worlds and to continue to evolve BDSM practices.” ~ Sinclair Sexsmith, editor of the lesbian BDSM pornographic anthology Say Please –interviewed on the Autostraddle website.

As I pointed out within my own work, queer and postmodern people invisiblise the existence of the biological female as a human being. Why care about women’s dignity, self-respect, bodily integrity or resistance to degradation then? Women don’t exist to them (or are ‘cis’), so they don’t give a shit, really.

Those queer sadistic lesbian pornographers have decided that the dom/sub ‘power play’ and the kicks that BDSM gives them are much more important than women’s humanity (and they don’t even believe our humanity exists in the first place). They are untrustworthy and dangerous betrayers of women, incapable of imagining an alternatively intense psychologically connecting sexuality between two women which would not involve the inclusion of BDSM dynamics. And they want to carry on ‘fucking with’ gender, i.e. ‘exploring’ it in all its ‘myriad’ colours rather than doing away with it.

On top of being misogynistic, Autostraddle pornography is racist too, just like many other BDSM scenarios. Within their BDSM ‘girl galleries’ of pictures (e.g. here –warning: may trigger), most of the women presented are white and conventionally attractive (nonetheless still treated in harsh manners). The very few women of colour there are typically get portrayed as ‘exotic slaves’ in this lesbian BDSM pornographic imagery. You can actually see on the website Black women being treated in the worst ways, as “subhuman” sex objects (e.g. as displayed in some of the images from that gallery page –warning: may trigger).

Such misogynistic racism being thoroughly sexualised and considered ‘progressive’ by the Autostraddle team and their contributors should not be passively accepted by lesbians today. Back in the 1980’s, among the Black feminists who challenged the sexualised racism present in the lesbian BDSM community were Audre Lorde and Alice Walker.

Lorde saw dominance and subordination as inseparable from woman-hatred and racism under patriarchy:

“As a minority woman, I know dominance and subordination are not bedroom issues. In the same way that rape is not about sex, s/m is not about sex but about how we use power.” ~ Audre Lorde, interviewed by Susan Leigh Star in the 1980’s.

Walker identified the mechanisms of slavery present in the BDSM agenda:

“Black and white and mixed women wrote of captivity, of rape, of forced breeding to restock the master’s slave pens. They wrote of attempts to escape, of the sale of their children, of dreams or Africa, of efforts at suicide… [B]lack women do not want to be slaves. They never wanted to be slaves. We will be ourselves and free, or die in the attempt. ” ~ Alice Walker, in the anthology Against Sadomasochism, pp. 207-208.

BDSM scenarios involving pornified racist ideologies and practices get celebrated in some segments of contemporary lesbian culture. This should be considered unacceptable. There is no way such racism would ever pass if there were men of colour being targeted by such racist images –but because it is racist misogyny here, it doesn’t matter in the eyes of male-identified women or men. BDSM misogynistic and racist ideology, by claiming that slavery can be “chosen” or “consensual,” makes a complete mockery of the actual experiences of those who have been enslaved –including women of colour. And it is not through re-enacting the symbols of rape, captivity, slavery and torture that we, women, are going to acquire real freedom or genuine autonomy.

We are an oppressed people. So long as members of the oppressed class get off on their own subordination, they remain resistant to real social change. I think part of the problem in all of this is that there is apparently no room in our culture for talking about orgasms that simply do not feel good. There are bad things we have been conditioned to get off on, especially our own oppression and subordination. An orgasm just doesn’t make those things “right.” And it certainly does not prove that we are “born masochists”. As radical feminists, we understand that not all orgasms are good and a women’s sexuality that has been shaped & constructed by patriarchy is not exempt from critical analysis:

“Our sexuality is not immune to the social and political forces which shape other dimensions of our lives —the sexual is also political. As such, it is also subject to evaluation, modification and change.” ~ Karen Rian, in Sadomasochism and the Social Construction of Desire.

Contemporary BDSM lesbian culture feeds into our fear, into our self-hatred. It influences us to overlook anything that does not look like pornographic, male-centric sexuality. What is also worrying is that this ‘kinky’ lesbian culture seems to be thriving. As was reported on Allecto’s blog four years and a half ago (a post which is still very much relevant today about contemporary lesbian culture), younger lesbians who do not agree with the BDSM takeover of our community tend to be struggling with pornified culture:

“As a younger lesbian who came out in the queer, post-modern, post-feminist millenium, I am not sure that older lesbian feminists can really understand how thoroughly lesbian feminism has been erased. Nor how thoroughly pornography, sadomasochism and sexual violence has infiltrated the queer, ‘lesbian’ culture… More violent misogyny can be seen in the popular Candy Bars in Britain. Candy Bar Soho and Candy Bar Brighton both promote woman-hating, pornographic ‘lesbianism’ with events like mud-wrestling and stripping.” ~ allecto, on her blog.

What we need is a much stronger feminist movement once again. It is very alarming the way Allecto talked about lesbian feminism as being thoroughly erased by contemporary patriarchal ‘lesbian’ culture. She gave examples such as the ‘Candy Bar’ in Soho (London), in which women wear drag or BDSM attires and perform dom/sub roles with other women.

Not all contemporary young lesbians are beyond hope, however. I did manage to change some minds on BDSM. I usually take a non-judgemental, experienced approach when I talk about BDSM in my own communities –and I am glad I did meet other lesbians who are interested in hearing what I have to say, as an ex-BDSMer.

More information to come within Part 3, the post which will be concluding this series…

Some additional notes:

1/ I’d like to add that Bev Jo’s chapter on BDSM was something she had co-written with Linda Strega and Ruston in their book Dykes-Loving-Dykes, just adding this information here.

2/ The fact that we crave for every tiny bit of lesbian representation within a heteropatriarchal culture then results in many lesbians being drawn to all kinds of different lesbian media representations, including the most male-identified ones. I’d also like to add that not everything is heteropatriarchal within lesbian culture nowadays. There are also quite a few lesbian films available out there that are genuinely woman-identified, female-centred and that do not portray lesbian relationships within gendered roles/standards (same goes for some lesbian webpages or books). However, the good kind of lesbian media simply cannot fully counter the negative effect that the heteronormative/BDSM kind of lesbian media has on women, if you know what I mean –especially not if so many lesbians buy into this sort of pornified media or into pornographic ‘lesbian’ (fan)fiction. Only a proper lesbian feminist criticism can counter this sort of thing, although I did want to mention that not all lesbian media is like what I described above. What is worrying (as I said) is that a large popular segment of lesbian culture is like this though. But I guess that I sort of can imagine that when you’re a young lesbian (part of a marginalised female group within a heteropatriarchal society), you’re going to look for any sort of anything that might represent you and claims to be “lesbian-friendly,” so why not go to the closest local store that sells Diva for instance? Then in turn, you become influenced by what Diva (or other heteropatriarchal “lesbian” media) says to you about what lesbians should be like or do. It’s a sad truth. Which is why a renewed lesbian feminist resistance to heteropatriarchy is once again needed now more than ever within our communities. Not to mention the fact that nowadays there are even lesbian bars & clubs that celebrate the objectification and degradation of women as well as hardly any strictly women-only lesbian spaces (because to the trans phenomenon and LGBTQWTF communities).

3/ As for the dildo, I think its use fundamentally supports patriarchal lies about female and lesbian sexuality, I wanted to add. Crucial writings on lesbian/female sexuality and existence are once again needed:

http://www.uic.edu/orgs/cwluherstory/CWLUArchive/vaginalmyth.html

http://www.terry.uga.edu/~dawndba/4500compulsoryhet.htm  The dildo is an instrument of male colonisation of women’s minds and bodies. We are not truly liberated from patriarchy so long as we we use dildos.

4/ Gay men and the LGBTQWTF movement have really fucked up our communities, big time! I also very much agree with the fact that we do need more intergenerational meetings among lesbians. I go to a (non-LGBT) lesbian social club sometimes and it’s fairly intergenerational; that’s why pro-pornography views (for example) tend not to be defended within that group, and it’s much more woman-friendly. But it’s only a social (non-political) clubs. We would need more political and intergenerational gatherings among lesbians. We also have to be able to circumvent the LGBTQWTF movement and trans culture to be able to have properly female-only meetings, which would not be an easy task…

5/ I did like some aspects of The L Word, actually. Katherine Moennig’s acting was flawless (and that Shane character was the only one that was close to looking like a butch lesbian by the way; all the other women looked pretty much femme). Jennifer Beals and Laurel Holloman were also very good actresses. Prostitution was not always made to look ‘glamorous’ in the show but rather as something degrading for women (at least in some aspects of the earlier seasons that I saw, and Shane was a character with an unfortunate past of prostitution, I think, for instance), and I did like that character Jenny’s tough journey towards recovering from her childhood abuse (plus, the way Jenny spoke to the man/voyeur who had been intruding upon them in Season 2 was admirable/feminist; she basically told him to fuck off and said that it was not a “woman’s job” to make men feel better). However, still, those few good aspects of The L Word cannot make up for the so many other aspects that were absolutely wrong. As Bev Jo says, there was a lot of garbage to wade through: lesbians supporting dildo culture and engaging in man/woman roleplays, lesbians using handcuffs while having sex (e.g. Dana & Alice in Season 2), strip bars, women objectifying other women depicted as a “good thing to do,” lesbian sex depicted as “fucking,” etc. Oh, my goodness, The L Word was still definitely overall full of heteronormative propaganda and certainly not the best lesbian representation ever… No wonder a strong resistance to male-identified “lesbian” representation is urgently required when stuff like this is so popular, especially for younger women who can get easily influenced by this. It is a good point, Marcia, that you raised when you said that the good lesbian movies (free from gendered roles, etc) are part of the independent cinema culture and are often made by independent female filmmakers. Hollywood (or popular TV) clearly has no space for lesbians that do not fit in heteropatriarchal stereotypes. I preferred Jenny’s character in Season 2 actually, because I personally thought she was more lesbian in that one (after she’d cut her hair) than in Season 1 (which she was pretty much het, except with Marina). I do agree that the PIV (and other het sex) scenes she was in at the start of the show were so disgusting and pornographic. However, I personally didn’t hate her character for that (+ she was a survivor of girlhood abuse), because I don’t blame het women for having had PIV (& other sort of sex) with men (not even TV characters). Het women are very often being raped by men. Not to mention that the women who are prostituted in the pornography / prostitution / strip bar industries get raped & tortured by men repeatedly on a daily basis…

6/ I did notice a couple of (small) parts of the L Word that were actually critical BDSM somehow (and I think it only lasted one episode), and I agree they were not too bad (and I liked how Jenny’s brief BDSM was directly linked to her girlhood abuse, plus it was not a solution for her to get better). But there were also parts of the show in which Dana and Alice supported dildo culture, ‘man/woman’ roleplaying and using handcuffs while having sex (which is BDSM also). Plus, Alice was shown as having BDSM gear in her bedroom at the start of Season 3. So I think there were definitely still pro-BDSM messages in the show. As another lesbian said: “the dildo use and rest of it was the same old sado-masochistic crap. It really did seem like they had writers who were very different politically and they wrote different episodes or parts of episodes.”

7/ Also, about Autostraddle, I wanted to add: they are making pornography using real women in their “girl galleries” which is basically prostitution and harms the women being used: http://againstpornography.org/womeninsexindustry.html  It is unfortunate when male-identified lesbians and bisexual women use other women as sexual objects for degradation in order to get their kicks.

8/ ‘Curve’ is a similar magazine to Diva for the US, by the way. I wanted to add something to my analysis of sexualised misogynistic racism in lesbian pornography, by the way. There are in fact two ways women of colour get portrayed in ‘lesbian’ pornography: either as “exotic slaves” (like I said, with extra chains to enslave them) or as “predatory” –just like on that Diva cover (in this post, on the right) in which a Black woman is shown as if she were “predatory” and “attacking” the “poor” white woman (who’s lying on the ground and looks dead, btw). Either way, such messages in ‘lesbian’ pornography are so awfully racist.

9/ As women, it is important to recognise that there are a few women (including some lesbians among them, and some lesbians/bisexual women in charge of mainstream lesbian media among them) who will want to uphold patriarchal systems and norms, and they will defend systems and norms of domination/subordination tooth and nail. A few of patriarchy’s foot soldiers are women; this is nothing new (and those pro-porn, pro-BDSM women get easily popularised and lauded via men’s malestream media). What can be one of the things that is so powerful to influences some lesbians into getting involved in BDSM activities? The Mainstream ‘lesbian’ media, of course. Here I blamed the media I’m talking about –not the women caught in the systems of internalisation of oppression, not the women who are being heavily influenced by this patriarchal ‘lesbian’ media. This kind of media is politically powerful, and it is very important to point that out. I remember that when I got caught up into BDSM myself, it was being glamorised all over mainstream media.

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Maggie H. is a radical lesbian feminist. She is a sociology student in the School of Social and Political Sciences at University in the UK.